Cow Trouble

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it”~ Terry Pratchett



TAP DANCE COW! WOW!

A farmer walked into a bar and saw the local tractor salesman sitting there, head hung low, obviously upset, drowning his sorrows in his beer.

"What's up, John?" asked the farmer.

"Gosh Bob, I'll tell you what ... if I don't sell a tractor soon, I'm gonna have to close my shop."

"Now John, things could be worse," said Bob.

"How do you figure?" asked John.

"Well, John - you know my ornery cow, Bessie?

I went to milk her this morning and she just kept flicking her tail in my face.

So I grabbed a piece of rope and tied it up to the rafter.

Then, the nasty thing went and kicked the bucket away!

So I tied her leg to the wall.

Then she kicked my stool right out from underneath me!

But I was out of rope.

So I took my belt off and used it to tie her other leg to the other side of the stall.

Well wouldn't you just know it...my damn pants fell down."

"And John, if you can convince my wife that I was in there to MILK that cow,

I'll buy a tractor from you TODAY!"

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.

Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.

So, he inserted his 'manhood' into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than he would have expected.

When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.

He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself.

He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.

Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone

(Thank God for mobile phones!).

‘Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company.

It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?'

'Don't worry,' replied the customer service rep,

The machine will release automatically once its collected two gallons.'

Perfect Post Award

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
~Dr. Seuss


There is a blogger who rocks my world…..
His name is Ol' Hoss
and he done went and gave me one of these!!!!



For this

I feel special.
I am flattered.
I am honored.
I do love to listen to some Doc.












I found a few more Doc Videos!

Doc Watson - 1991 - Black Mountain Rag


Doc playing and singing with his new Henderson guitar in Wayne's shop Aug 06


It doesn’t get any better than this…
Earl Scruggs, Doc Watson, and Ricky Skaggs
Roll In My Sweet Baby's Arms



Doc Watson is special and so is Ol' Hoss .
The Cool Ol' Raggedy One Lubbs da Ol' Hoss …
Thank you!


FYI:
Be on the lookout….
FTS is BACK!!!!!!
He is now a Snowball
posting in Snowmansland….
Woooooooooohoooooooooo!!!!
Head over and give him a big welcome back!

Thursday Thirteen (23rd)

On Speakin’ Southern

1. Attair: Contradiction used to indicate the specific item desire. "Pass me attair gravy, please"

2. Awl: An amber fluid used to lubricate engines. "Ah like attair car, but it sure does take a lot of awl."

3. Bawl: What water does at 212 degrees Fahrenheit. "That gal cain't even bawl water without burnin' it."

4. Bleeve: Expression of intent or faith. "Ah bleeve we ought to go to church this Sunday."

5. Cent: Plural of cent. "You paid five dollars for that necktie? Ah wouldn't give fiddy cent for it."

6. Everwhichways: To be scattered in all directions. "You should have been there when the train hit attair chicken truck. Them chickens flew everwhichways.

7. Far: A state of combustion that produces heat and light. "Ah reckon it's about time to put out the far and call in the dawgs."

8. Flares: The colorful, sweet-smelling part of a plant. "If yo wife's mad at ya, it's smart to take her some flares."

9. Griyuts: What no Southern breakfast would be without - grits. "Ah like griyuts with butter and sawt on'em, but Ah purely love'em with red-eye gravy."

10. Hale: Where General Sherman is going for what he did to Etlanna. (Atlanta) "General Sherman said "War is Hale" and he made sure it was."

11. Jew: Did you. "Jew want to buy attair comic book, son, or just stand there and read it here?"

12. Kumpny: Guests. "Be home on time. We's havin' kumpny for supper."

13. Likker: Whiskey; either the amber kind bought in stores or the homemade white kind that federal authorities frown upon." Does he drink? Listen, he spills more likker than most people drink.'

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Wordless Wednesday

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Music for the child inside you

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
~Franklin P. Jones

These are the videos that I have the pleasure of listening to over and over and over again.
I thought I would share them with you.
These are Jaycee’s current favorites.
Enjoy!

Sunday October 28, 2007

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”
~ Ashley Smith