How to Change Your Oil & Flies

Women:

1. Pull up to Mr. Lube 3000 miles after the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. Fifteen minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Men:

1. Go to NAPA auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.

2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to NAPA to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 13mm box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on hand in the process.

12. Clean up.

13. Have another beer while oil is draining.

14. Look for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips head screwdriver and twist it off.

16. Beer.

17. Buddy shows up. Finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.

18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car, dump in hole in back yard.

19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during steps 11, 15, & 18.

20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

21. Walk to bar and buy beer.

22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.

23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24. Remember drain plug from step 11.

25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. Pan is empty. Find drain plug in back yard hole.

26. Hurry to replace drain plug as last drop of fresh oil drains onto floor.

27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.

28. Bang head on bumper in reaction.

29. Begin cussing fit.

30. Throw wrench.

31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1982).

32. Clean up. Apply Band-Aid to knuckle.

33. Beer.

34. Beer.

35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.

36. Beer.

37. Lower car from jack stands.

38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.

39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 26.

40. Drive car a quart low for 7000 miles when it'll be time for another oil change.



Flies

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Hunting flies" he responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" she asked.

"Yep, 3 males and 2 females." he replied.

Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell them apart?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

Friday Feast #146

Appetizer
Name something you think is “the best.”

Our Country.
I served her.
I thank all of those that have served.
I thank all of those that are serving now.

Support our Troops!

Soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 highest), how stressed are you today?

I am going to give it a 5

I am glad to announce that it has gone down quite a bit since I am now able to walk up and down stairs and raise from a seated position without excruciating pain due to some magic in a needle injected in both of my knees on Wednesday…..I can walk better and maybe bop someone with my cane when I feel like it…*giggle

My medical Monday procedure is raising the meter a bit because that is when I have the spinal tap so send the good vibes my way please…

The Topomax which I call Dopomax is making it very hard to write posts and is the cause of my lengthy absence from posting and commenting because it takes me a very long time to post or write a comment and get the letters or thoughts right….

My TT was in a draft…Wordless Wednesday was a breeze….But my memorial post took me five days to write and fix… When I commented to Thursday Thirteeners luckily I had a good day…Today is not so bad either but most days are pretty tough….

Salad
What kind of cleanser do you use to wash your face?

Noxzema

Main Course
Tonight is a blue moon! What is something that you believe only happens “once in a blue moon.”

I don’t believe in that blue moon stuff. But I would like to see my entire family gather together again at my Dad’s house in Maryland one more time just so we could all be together again. I would enjoy that very much. I miss Mark, Laura, Nichole, Tim, and Heather I have not seen some of them for 7 years and the rest in over 12 years so it has been a long time.


Dessert
When was the last time it rained where you live?

Yesterday

To visit the rest of the Friday Feasts
Click Here

Thursday Thirteen (23rd)

North Dakota:

It Really Is One Of The 50 States!

There were too many for one Thursday Thirteen.
Part 3 of 3

You might be from North Dakota:

1. If you can identify individual strains of wheat from your car at 70 mph during August . . .

2. If your soup du jour at your hometown cafe is always beer cheese or knoephla.

3. If you have as many Canadian coins in your pockets as American ones . . .

4. You only lock your car in August, so it doesn't get filled with zucchini.

5. If you don't slow down when passing an oncoming car on a one lane gravel road . . .

6. If you can drive better in reverse than forward . . .

7. If during the brief fall you proudly rake the whole yard to get a bag or two of leaves before the wind does . . .

8. If there is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 500 or more, but McDonalds are spread out every 200 miles.

9. If you keep the snow tires on your truck all year because it isn't worth taking them off for only two months.

10. If you drive 2 to 5 hours (one way) to attend high school sporting events…

11. If Northwest Airlines is your lifeline to the outside world . . .

12.If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there.

13. If your dog dies, you lose your job, and your car breaks down, all on the same day, and the first thought that comes to your mind is, "It could be worse!"

Bonus: If you have lived with an ICBM in your back yard . . .


Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!
The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Wordless Wednesday

Visit Wordless Wednesday Participants

Memorial Day 2007

Four freedoms:
The first is freedom of speech and expression, everywhere in the world.
The second is freedom of everyone to worship God in his own way, everywhere in the world.
The third is freedom from want... everywhere in the world.
The fourth is freedom from fear...anywhere in the world.
~ Franklin D. Roosevelt


All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope. ~Winston Churchill



The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree.
~Thomas Campbell


“In memory of those who served, all gave some, some gave all.”~unknown



In Loving Memory of Ron, We miss you!

Ronald R. Coleman, 75, died Monday, Jan. 17, 2005, at Manor Care Nursing Home. Born March 3, 1929, in Beaver, he was the son of the late Robert and Mary Coleman and was a retired Army major. His burial was in Arlington National Cemetery.

I struggle to find the words to express the honor and pride I feel to have had the opportunity to have shared the many years that I had with Ron. They were good years. They are filled with loving memories. You are gone but not forgotten. I am thankful that I was able to express my gratitude for your dedication, honor, duty, and service to our country. I appreciate that you were proud of me for my service as well. We had a bond that I cherish, treasure, and hold close in my heart. I love you man.

There is a long list of “Ronsisms” that remain with us through the years. Some are sayings and some are just those unforgettable moments that happened that are etched in time.

My mom had lovely dinners with guests. One dinner I remember was with Miss Wynn who is allergic to cats. Miss Sally was also present. Ron was the lone male. He accepted the duty to confine the cats to an upstairs bedroom. He arrived downstairs with blood running down both his arms. We all rushed him with my Mom in the lead to render aid. He kept saying “It’s only a little scratch!” He was wounded doing battle with White cat and never batted an eye.

Once a bird was loose in the house and using his quick judgment Ron decided to put away the cat with claws first. One cat away Ron rushed to find the cat without claws. He rescued the bird from the mouth of the clawless cat and set it free.

Ron would drive over 270 miles one way to get what mom?
That French stuff was not good enough...it had to be….

I will be talking with Mom on the phone and Ron will drop in out of the blue and we will laugh until we cry with a “Ronism”,
“Let the good times roll”
“We gotta get organized”
“Everybody inside,outside!”,”Everybody outside,inside!”
“Everybody upstairs, downstairs!”,“Everybody downstairs, upstairs!”
”If you have two, turn one in”," If you have one, requisition another one”,
when I would catch Ron dozing off….”guard duty, heavy guard duty”.
Ron would make his entrance with a loud “Airborne!” and my mumbled quip back would be…”Yeah, so’s bird dirt….” He would chuckle every time…

Thank you again for your service.
Thank you for your generosity.
Thank you for loving my mom.
I miss you.

Ron spoke with pride of one day resting in Arlington.
This video is for you buddy.






Memorial Day is a United States federal holiday that is observed on the last Monday of May (observed this year on 2007-05-28). It was formerly known as Decoration Day. This holiday commemorates U.S. men and women who have died in military service to their country. It began first to honor Union soldiers who died during the American Civil War. After World War I, it expanded to include those who died in any war or military action.~ Wikipedia


"...gather around their sacred remains and garland the passionless mounds above them with choicest flowers of springtime....let us in this solemn presence renew our pledges to aid and assist those whom they have left among us as sacred charges upon the Nation's gratitude,--the soldier's and sailor's widow and orphan."
~General John Logan


These heroes are dead.
They died for liberty - they died for us.
They are at rest.
They sleep in the land they made free, under the flag they rendered stainless, and under the solemn pines, the sad hemlocks, the tearful willows, and the embracing vines.
They sleep beneath the shadows of the clouds, careless alike of sunshine or of storm, each in the windowless Place of Rest.
Earth may run red with other wars - they are at peace.
In the midst of battle, in the roar of conflict, they found the serenity of death.
I have one sentiment for soldiers living and dead: cheers for the living; tears for the dead.
~Robert G. Ingersoll



Remember those who died for our freedom.

Support our troops!

Sunday May 27, 2007

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude .
~ Denis Waitley