Cow Trouble

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it”~ Terry Pratchett



TAP DANCE COW! WOW!

A farmer walked into a bar and saw the local tractor salesman sitting there, head hung low, obviously upset, drowning his sorrows in his beer.

"What's up, John?" asked the farmer.

"Gosh Bob, I'll tell you what ... if I don't sell a tractor soon, I'm gonna have to close my shop."

"Now John, things could be worse," said Bob.

"How do you figure?" asked John.

"Well, John - you know my ornery cow, Bessie?

I went to milk her this morning and she just kept flicking her tail in my face.

So I grabbed a piece of rope and tied it up to the rafter.

Then, the nasty thing went and kicked the bucket away!

So I tied her leg to the wall.

Then she kicked my stool right out from underneath me!

But I was out of rope.

So I took my belt off and used it to tie her other leg to the other side of the stall.

Well wouldn't you just know it...my damn pants fell down."

"And John, if you can convince my wife that I was in there to MILK that cow,

I'll buy a tractor from you TODAY!"

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine.

Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first.

So, he inserted his 'manhood' into the equipment, turned on the switch and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with much more pleasure than he would have expected.

When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized he couldn't remove the instrument from his 'member'.

He read the manual but didn't find any useful information on how to disengage himself.

He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success.

Finally, he decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line with his cell phone

(Thank God for mobile phones!).

‘Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company.

It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?'

'Don't worry,' replied the customer service rep,

The machine will release automatically once its collected two gallons.'