The Story of Blackeye Roger

Did you know, it has been two months since Raggedy has been here? I'm extremely sorry for Raggedy. And I'm sorry for me, and sorry for you, too. But let's carry on....

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Roger is quite a nice man. Overweight, but, that aside, there's just not anything he wouldn't do for somebody with the slightest need. He was born somewhat goofy, but he's probably the greatest employee our company has. Dependable, faithful, loyal.

And so he came to work a week ago Monday with a big black eye. Everybody wants to know, "What happened?"

"It happened at church," he said. At church? Roger goes down to that little Methodist church. "Well, yea," he said. "There was a little lady come sit in the pew in front of me. Pretty soon, the preacher told everybody to stand up and sing a hymn. Well, when this little lady stood up, her dress was all stuck up between her cheeks, you know?"

We all nodded a giggled a little. "Been there, seen that," says Bubba.

"I wanted to be a gentleman," Roger continued, "so I leaned over the pew and pulled that dress out from between her cheeks. Real soft-like. She didn't like that, no sir! She swung around and whacked me with her hymn book."

We almost knocked over the water cooler in our laughter. "It hurt so much I almost cussed in church."

We teased Roger almost all week, but by Friday his black eye had healed up. But then Roger came to work Monday with another big black eye. "Come on, Roger, how'd you get that shiner?" I asked.

"Same way as last week," he said, very quietly.

"No!"

"Yes sir." We were all dumbfounded. Even if your elevator doesn't go all the way to the top, at least it goes up a little. "I ended up sitting behind that same little lady. She had on that same dress. And when the preacher told us to stand up, her dress was stuck up there between her cheeks again."

"Come on Roger. Don't tell us you tried to fix it again."

"No, no no. I learned my lesson from last Sunday," he replied.

"Well then," somebody asked, "how'd you get that eye all beat up? It's a bad one, too."

"I know it is." He touched his eye tenderly. "Well, this new fellow sitting next to me seen the lady's sitaution, so he reached over the pew and pulled on her dress.

"Well, I knew the lady didn't like that, so right away, I stuffed it back up there....."