Qantas

Qantas (pronounced [kwantas]) is the name and callsign of the
oldest and largest airline of Australia. Qantas was formerly an
acronym for the "Queensland and Northern Territory Aerial Services."


Qantas~ "The Spirit of Australia"

Flight Report

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.

The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: The problem logged by the pilot.
S: The solution and action taken by the mechanics.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S :Live bugs on back order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

From: My friends across the pond

You know more than you think you know, just as you know less than you want to know. ~~ Oscar Wilde


The post I had started for today got usurped when I received the same e-mail from four of my friends regarding the post they read on June 3rd. So I am going to go with the flow and post it.

Dear Raggedy,

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the second year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.

Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

In case you don't get this last line . I did a translation to english for those who need it.
(The dream of a united europe will finally come true. And after the fifth year we will all be speaking German like they wanted in the first place.)

Hello, Daag, Knuffles, Hugs, and KOTC to all my friends and family.
All my Love, Raggedy (Da Cat)

Wisdom

Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. - Albert Einstein



Words of Wisdom

God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

Dear God, I have a problem, it’s me.

More rambling...

Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.

Do the math. Count your blessings.

Faith is the ability to not panic.

Laugh every day, it’s like inner jogging.

If you worry, don’t pray. If you pray, don’t worry.

As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home everyday.

Blessed are the flexible for they shall not be bent out of shape.

When we get tangled up in our problems, be still; God wants us to be still so He can untangle the knot.

We do not remember days, but moments. Enjoy your precious moments.

Nothing is real to you until you experience it, otherwise it’s just hearsay.

Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage. The goals and dreams you’re seeking require courage and risk taking. Learn from the turtle, it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.

Thursday Thirteen (2nd)

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?



Thirteen Really Fun Things To Do When You Go Shopping

1. Get boxes of condoms, randomly put them in people's carts when they're not looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of apple juice on the floor to the restroom.

4. Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.

5. Challenge other customers to a duel with tubes of gift wrap.

6. Put M & M's on layaway.

7. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I.Joes and X-Men.

8. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

9. Switch signs on the men and women's bathrooms.

10. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible".

11. In the auto department practice your "Madonna" look using different size funnels.

12. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say: "PICK ME!! PICK ME!!!!!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

I don’t want to tempt fate with the number 13 so I am adding a bonus one. My original list was 26 things... tee hee

Go into the fitting room and yell real loud..."Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!!

We Survived

The following was sent to me from a friend and I thought it was good. I am posting it with some additions and changes.


TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

After that trauma, our beds and walls were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles. Doors and cabinets were not childproof. When we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. Not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle!

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drink with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back at dusk. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels, no cable, no video tape movies, The three television stations went off the air and there was no television on late at night. No cell phones, our phones had a cord and a dial, no pushbuttons, no cordless phones, no voice mail. If they were not home it just rang. If they were on the phone you got a busy signal. No personal computers, no Internet or Internet chatrooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given slingshot for our 10th birthdays, we made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Under 12 football had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good, and while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?

US Navy Vs Canada

When John F. Kennedy was asked how he became a war hero he replied, “It was absolutely involuntary.They sank my boat.”

Actual Radio Conversation

This was a conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in late 1995.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

Sunday June 11. 2006

"God loves each of us
as if there were only
one of us." ~Augustine